Like a doll
by Kare Uta
Summary: Sequel to The Little Things. Even when all seems lost, there's always at least one human being on this Earth that can keep us from living like dolls. Sangchul/Jiho. Oneshot.


**Like a doll**

"Sangchul!" Ewon called the man just as he returned from a meeting he represented Mookyul at. "Have you heard from Jiho today? I was swamped at school so I didn't manage to call him, and he hasn't come back to school yet."

It had been almost a week from the incident that had caused Jiho to move in with the older man for a while. As much as he disliked the idea, and as much as he tried to rebel against Sangchul's offers, it was still doctor's orders that Jiho didn't stay all alone.

Sangchul smiled upon seeing Ewon through his sunglasses and approached him, "Last time I spoke to him he was going to get some rest."

"But he's doing better? Last time I saw him was two days ago and he was looking a bit…he acted like he was a lot better but he still looked really…" He wasn't sure how to phrase it without being…almost offensive.

"Drained?" Sangchul asked him, understanding Ewon's loss for words.

"Yeah…"

"He's still looking…drained. He needs some more time." He continued to walk on, knowing Ewon would continue with him. "He appreciates you coming over the other day, but give him some more time; Mookyul sent the doctor over again yesterday and he needs to sleep more."

"Why did the doctor need to go again?"

"He was dizzy but he'll be fine; try not to worry."

Ewon nodded and stopped by the elevator, "I've just seen Mookyul; I'm going to head home."

"Alright." Sangchul gave a small smirk and entered. "See you tomorrow, Ewon."

"The thing you and I talked about earlier," Sangchul began, seating himself on the couch in Mookyul's office, "please speak to Ewon about it." He requested in an almost desperate tone.

He walked into his apartment, chucking everything on the ground by the door. He peered into the closest rooms and found Jiho in the kitchen, walking up to him, "I'm back."

Jiho gripped promptly onto the counter suddenly, having jumped with fright. It wasn't unusual; every time something occurred while his back was turned he would jump, and then become flustered at his own sensitivity. He looked back a bit, feigning a smile, "Welcome back."

Sangchul smiled back and left the boy alone for a while, showering, changing into something more comfortable and coming back to the kitchen to organize dinner. "Are you hungry?" He asked.

"Not really."

The portion of food he put on his plate wasn't too big, but not too small either; giving Jiho enough to have the option to eat more than he had been lately, but not enough to make him feel like he was obliged to eat more than he could.

Jiho cleaned up just as he finished eating in silence, smiling sweetly at Sangchul before thanking him.

Sangchul picked up the first aid kit, finding Jiho curled up on the couch. Jiho could be seen almost mentally preparing himself. "Sorry," Like every other day Sangchul apologized before starting to work on the bruises and cuts that Jiho didn't dare touch on his own.

Jiho grabbed onto the hand that Sangchul had at his face, whispering, "Ow, ow, ow," as a soft mantra, gripping his hand tighter as he willed him to stop.

Once he was done, and only then, he pulled his hand back and let Jiho relax. "In a few days you'll see an improvement." His words of encouragement weren't dishonest, but it showed that Jiho had trouble believing him. "Does it still hurt?"

"No, not too bad now." Jiho pulled his legs up onto the couch, holding them to his chest. "Was your day good?"

"It was…not bad." Sangchul chuckled; how else would he ever describe his quiet days? He gathered everything and placed them on the coffee table, "Sleep; I'll leave you a pain killer in case you need it."

"You can trust me with painkillers." Jiho smiled, shuffling under blankets. "I'm not going to try anything; you can trust me."

"It's not that I don't trust you…" Sangchul smirked. "But to be honest if you do anything Ewon will make sure Mookyul leaves me without a job."

"About that," Jiho hoisted himself to sit back up even though he's body hated him for it, "don't keep coming back early on my account; I know Mookyul needs you to work late."

Sangchul almost wanted to tell Jiho the truth; that Mookyul had slowed down on working late all together right around the time that Ewon and him got serious but then again he knew it wouldn't be right to hurt Jiho like that. "Don't worry about it; I'm still on top of everything." He dimmed the lights quickly, wished the other goodnight and left down the hall.

"What are you trying to say?" Ewon was never that naive; he knew what Mookyul was trying to say but…he almost couldn't believe it.

"You know what I'm trying to say!" Mookyul knocked him lightly over the back of the head. "I'm trying to be serious here and all you can do is play the fool!"

"Now you know how I feel when you do it." Ewon fought back, blinking. "Seriously! Sangchul…likes Jiho as in…like that? For how long? Did they…"

"I really didn't ask him for the details!"

"Then…"

"Jiho has a problem; he's trying to speed his recover process up too much and he's driving himself crazy with it so…slow down, okay? Give him some space…"

"Him and Sangchul…"

"You know Sangchul," a small growl could be heard in the back of Mookyul's throat, "he's a gentleman; not going to do anything with Jiho at this point."

"You make that sound like such a bad thing."

"Because if it was me I would try to shock Jiho out of it; Sangchul's way is going to take forever."

"I swear if Jiho gets worse…"

"Bring that up with Sangchul, not with me." Mookyul rolled over onto his stomach, stifling a yawn.

Ewon rolled over with him, clinging onto him, pressing his cheek to his back, "What would you think of the two together?"

"Huh? We just had sex, I'm not thinking of that!"

Ewon groaned, rolling his eyes. "Just…try to answer me! Is he good for Jiho?"

"You probably know Sangchul as well as I do; you know Jiho's tastes also."

"Well look at whom Jiho dated!"

"Yeah," Mookyul rolled onto his back and cupped Ewon's face, "what was he doing with you anyway?"

Ewon stayed calm this time, "What is it that keeps me from smothering you with a pillow? You've known Sangchul for much longer! That's why I'm asking."

"Sangchul...is a good guy; he's not going to hurt Jiho whatever happens."

"You think so?"

"Sangchul has done a lot of things for me over the years," Mookyul drowsily whispered, "but it never played a part in the end of his marriage; he never hurt her."

"I hope he won't hurt him..."

"Jiho needs a good guy; it doesn't get anymore so than Sangchul."

"I guess you're right. I mean...he's a good guy, right? He's funny, he's sweet, he's really kind and he's a good listener..."

Mookyul cut him off with an abrupt kiss, "Why are you talking about another man when I"m right here?"

Feeling almost every inch of Mookyul's larger body touching him, the only thing he could think but wouldn't dare say was, _I have no idea_.

Ewon ran the idea through his head. He hadn't planned on it being like this but he...almost thought it would be better this way. "Hey Sangchul," he peaked into the office which Mookyul was absent from.

"Jiho is fine, Ewon." Sangchul answered offhandedly, not looking up from his work.

"I wasn't going to ask that!" Ewon defended himself promptly.

"What is it then?" He looked up finally.

"You like Jiho, right?" He jumped down onto the couch beside him, grinning from ear to ear.

"Mookyul told you that?"

"Was he wrong?"

"No but..."

"Anyway... I got him the cakes he likes to eat when he's upset; give them to him, okay? They're in the fringe."

"Why don't you call him and go give them to him yourself?"

"No, no! Pretend you got them for him! Don't even mention me."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because...you like him and that's a good way to get him to realize it?" He tried softly, smile failing.

"Maybe I don't want him to realize it."

"Just do it okay? He'll feel a lot better if you do." He went back to her smiley self. "I've got classes so...just make sure you do it, okay?" He waved briefly and then left; he didn't mean to play matchmaker or anything, he just thought...it would be better.

Sangchul shuffled into his apartment, chucking everything by the door as usual but keeping a firm hold on the blue paper box. "Jiho! I'm back." He looked around every corner and eventually found Jiho walking out of the bathroom, a frown on his face. "What's the matter?"

"Not feeling too well." He murmured. "What's in the box?"

"Cakes." Sangchul replied, remembering he was holding the box to begin with and chucking it onto a nearby table. "Which won't be a good idea right about now."

"What kind of cakes?" Jiho leaned over, prying the tape off the corners to try to peak into the box.

Sangchul shrugged though, pulling out of his jacket, "I don't know; cakes."

"I love those." Jiho whispered with admiration. "How'd you know?" he asked, glancing back.

Sangchul didn't say much, avoiding the question; if he was going to answer he didn't want to lie. "Are you going to have some dinner? Or are you not up to it?"

"I ate some leftovers earlier." The older man nodded, sighing and seating himself at the table. "I'll eat if you're going to act like me not eating is the end of everything…" Jiho smiled weakly, watching Sangchul rub his temples.

He smiled a bit, "It's not that," he pulled his sunglasses off, rubbing his eyes, "my head hurts, that's all."

"Want me to get you something?"

"No, thanks, I'm going to go and lie down."

After just a few moments lying down on his bed, Jiho stepped in quietly, kneeling on the bed and passing him a tall glass of water.

"Lie down." Sangchul instructed him softly, sipping his drink. "Thanks for this." He held up the glass momentarily and propped it on the nightstand before rolling over again.

Lying down, Jiho rolled onto his side to face the other, wrapping his arms across his sore stomach in the process.

"You want me to call the doctor for you?" Sangchul noted the flustered and uncomfortable look on his face.

"It will pass." Jiho whispered, drowsily burying his cheek deeper into the pillow, inhaling his scent mixed very lightly with Sangchul's. "How's your head?"

"Getting better." Sangchul sat up on his side and before he even knew what he was doing he was cupping the boy's face with his hand.

He felt Jiho stiffen up immediately, "Wha-?"

Sangchul brushed his lips lightly against the other's, "Breathe." He ordered, feeling the boy beneath him faltering completely.

"What are..."

"If you start to hyperventilate I swear I'm calling the doctor." Feeling the boy breathing softly again, warm breath tickling his lips and cheek, he leaned down promptly and captured his lips in a quick chaste kiss.

"Why'd..."

"First what, then why, and yet all half questions; put together what you want to ask and all at once." Jiho jumped off the bed, backing away slowly. Sangchul sighed and hung his head, speaking, "I thought that wasn't the best way to do things and it turns out that I was right."

"Why did you do that?"

"Why…doesn't matter; I shouldn't have done it either way."

Jiho breathed deeply, clutching at his chest, "You gave me such a fright."

Sangchul gave a short smile, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." He reached out slowly and pulled him into a soft embrace.

Jiho tensed up, but then in almost in the same amount of time he relaxed, placing his head to the older man's chest.

"You've just reminded me how tired I am." Jiho pulled away and bowed his head as though to excuse himself, leaving the room quietly.

Sangchul gave him a few moments and in the meantime debated with himself if he should go out there and talk to him again. Once he stepped out, with a little courage in hand, he found the boy laying on the couch already but instead of even pretending to sleep, he stared off at one of the plain walls.

"Everything won't be this awful forever." Sangchul pointed out to him, sitting down slowly. "You've had a bad time for a while but…it doesn't mean it'll be like that forever."

"I don't really want..."

"These past few days... It really hasn't been quite like you. The real Jiho, strong and proud Jiho keeps trying to come out, but he keeps drowning under the wretched feelings..."

"And?"

"Isn't it making you feel all the more wretched?"

Jiho shrugged his shoulders, "What can I do? It hurts whichever way it goes."

"If that's the way it is why don't you pick one side and stay there, hm? Its not like you'll be all alone whichever way you choose to feel..."

"I don't believe that."

Sangchul sighed almost silently; he expected as much from him. "You have people that will stay by your side no matter what."

"There's no way everyone can be satisfied whichever way I go; I'll..."

"You can't keep being afraid of people you will lose!" Sangchul stressed."In the end you'll just lose yourself and that's the only person that really matters." He watched Jiro bury inches more of his face into the pillow, avoiding as much eye contact as possible. "You're the only person that matters, you know? You're the only person that you've got to live with for the rest of your life..."

"Everyone else will just leave."

"People come and go from the lives of others all the time."

"I'm sick of it!" Jiho bit out coldly. "Sick of it and sick of it! Less and less people are in my life just because they leave more than they come."

"That's not what's bothering you."

Jiho chewed at his lip momentarily, glaring elsewhere, "How the hell would you know?"

"Because I've been in your place before."

Jiho scoffed, "Seriously?"

"There's a lot of years difference between us; I've got a few more experiences to match too." He chuckled as he thought about it. Upon looking down at the other he found the smile fading, "What I'm trying to say is... You don't just hate people you cared about leaving your life; you hate how they're doing it."

"It's strange; I should be used to it by now."

"You can block everything out; all the feelings you have. You'll never again feel anger or sadness or pain, but then again, you'll never feel happiness either." He grabbed the boy's wrist lightly, turning him onto his back, "You've got to decide for yourself what you're going to do; no switching back and forth when it gets too difficult to do one over the other. You have to remind yourself…neither one is more painful than giving up altogether."

"You really believe that?" Jiho sat up, pulling his sleeve over his hand and pushing his hair back. "Like, really believe it?"

"Others you've been around may have been ready to lie to you, but I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

Chewing nervously on his bottom lip Jiho leaned in with extended arms, wrapping them around Sangchul's torso, "Thank you and…sorry for this."

"Don't apologize to me." Sangchul grumbled but embraced the other back a bit. He let the other nestle deeper into his arms, his warmth, "Don't fall asleep like this."

Jiho pulled himself upright, throwing his arms around the older man's neck, "Thank you." He kissed him deeply, passionately, all on his own initiative. "I'm really…a fool… Doing that, expecting something and knowing it'll end up the same way again…"

"Who says it's going to be the same?"

"It's…just the way things work." Before he could even let the other man consider answering back, he kissed him again, pushing the older man back, "Just…let me do what I want for now and…then I'll…"

"And then you'll what?" He challenged. "Whatever you decide to do you'll always be Jiho to me; but if you're going to do something, do it right and know what you're doing. I'm not going to betray you!"

Jiho scoffed, he gripped onto the shoulders of Sangchul's shirt, whether with the intent of threatening or not he couldn't tell, "You have no proof…"

"There's no such thing; if you don't believe me then there's no way I can ever show you. It all starts with you."

"It's always me. I'm tired of it." He dropped his forehead onto one of the other's shoulders, shielding his expressions. "I make the first move; I get hurt because I don't leave in time. It's always my fault; I pick the wrong people without…even knowing it and… I'll do better next time…"

"If you don't take a chance, you're never going to feel a change. Rather than…let things happen accidentally you're going to start with the self-sabotage…"

"And I'm supposed to blindly believe you? Let you betray me?" This voice was felt and sounded different; it was no longer covered in bitterness and rage, it was pure, quiet, trembling.

"One word to Mookyul and he can have me killed for betraying you. I'd let him do it if I betrayed you."

"You're lying." He began shaking a bit, uncontrollably.

"I'm not."

"You are!"

"Definitely not." He ran his fingers over the boy's head, affectionately running his fingers through the long strands of hair.

He shook his head quickly, trying to shake those kind hands off of him; still, without realizing it, he still clung on desperately to the man, "I can't believe you."

Sangchul pulled them both apart, shocking Jiho into a panic as he rotated them, bringing Jiho underneath himself on the couch. Sangchul stared at him; his suspicions were confirmed. The boy he held was now different from earlier; the threatening attitude disappeared from his eyes, more so as Sangchul stared intently into his eyes. Jiho looked away, grimacing and clenching his teeth together, all the signs of a person enduring torture on his face.

"You say you won't betray me but…I won't ever know how it'll be and…I…it…" What was left of his raw voice caught in the side of his throat, and struggling with words he tried to bury his face into his own shoulder, an obvious attempt for the proud Jiho Shin to hide his weakness.

Sangchul leant over, shielding him, protecting him, pulling him close and letting him hide himself. If Jiho didn't want to show more of that side of him then he would respect his wishes; after all, the boy had shown him just about more than Jiho could even take.

The next morning Sangchul woke up more drained than usual; Jiho wasn't in the living room. Actually, it was like he had never been there. The living room was spotless, like before Jiho had even stayed over; sheets and pillows weren't even there, no glasses or plates were in the sink. The place was just…spotless. Spotless and very, very empty.

"You're distracted." Mookyul slammed a file atop of Sangchul's head.

This happened more times in the next few days than he thought would be possible. Every day, coming home to a pitch dark, cold and empty apartment…it was horrible.

A week had gone by and not unusually he walked into his dim apartment, chucked everything by the door with even less enthusiasm than usual and then dropped himself down onto his couch, still feeling a little nostalgic in this side of the room.

A hard knock was heard from the front door, ringing in his ears and causing a little fear in his chest, as well as a little bit of anticipation; nobody really visited, and it got lonely.

He pulled open the door without thinking of even checking, making the shock all that bigger when he saw Jiho standing, a pouty expression on his soft lips. Once they made eye contact it seemed like any of Jiho's courage disappeared and he looked elsewhere, holding out a large pizza box, "I got dinner…"

He let him in silently, brought some things from the kitchen and then settled across from him on the couch. "You really worried me just disappearing like that, then not even answering your phone."

"I just…needed sometime alone; to figure things out and…to get better."

"As long as you're okay."

The two ate somewhat quietly, exchanging a few words here and there; Sangchul didn't want to interrupt with ideal chit-chat even if he wanted to be able to fill the silence because he feared it would deter the boy from speaking about whatever he came to say.

"I thought the answer to…betrayal was paying them back but…it ends up feeling worse!" He was looking away; when he lacked courage he really did.

"That's because you're a good person."

He shrugged a bit, looking back, "I'm…trying to say that I wouldn't make good on any threats I gave that night."

"I was hoping I wouldn't make you have to do so."

"Me too." His face growing hot, Jiho reached out and downed his can of beer.

Sangchul chuckled, taking the can from him, "Did I make you worry?"

Jiho smiled shakily, turning his head away just to hide his blush. "Trusting you is fine, isn't it?"

"It's more than fine."

Jiho buried his face into Sangchul's shoulder, Sangchul's long fingers massaging his scalp sweetly, "I'm putting my apartment up for sale; I'm going to move. I need a change."

"That could be a good start."

"I…realized I live really far from here so…maybe…I can move closer by." He sat up straight, looking up at Sangchul, "Because I don't want to give up, okay? If you'll be okay…"

"If _I'll_ be okay?" Sangchul chuckled, catching his face quickly in his hands, "As long as you're not living like the dead then I'll be happy."

"I'm not giving up… I know…that you're right. I trust you." Jiho leaned in, staring at Sangchul's lips, debating.

"Even though your eyes scream 'please don't betray me'?"

"I'm trying…really really hard."

"I know you are."

Jiho gripped the man's hand, smiling before he flung his arms around him. "I'll show you how hard I'm trying." He pulled back and showed him how determined he was, "I swear! No matter what, I'll be fine because I won't give up."

This was Jiho Shin. This was the real Jiho Shin; the one that was proud, the one that took charge, the one that didn't hold grudges, the one that got up and moved on when someone knocked him down.

The one Sangchul had fallen in love with.


End file.
